He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
