my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
