Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You can't special order awesome
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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