Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
