Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
did you just send me my own nude
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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