whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
