Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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