Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
