Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
