Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
