please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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