the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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