i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
