I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
