What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize