wrigley field is MILF paradise
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
