i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
