Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
