im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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