My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize