so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
