we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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