i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
