just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
