dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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