Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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