Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize