just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
