Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
