weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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