Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
