Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
