I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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