she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
