I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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