Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
