I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
