Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
