I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
