Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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