he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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