I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
