he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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