dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
