i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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