i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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