Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
