Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
