everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
