it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize