i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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