that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
