Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
