No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
