i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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