You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
