He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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