Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
