I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
