i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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