Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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